The last few weeks have been a bit sad for me. I realize that I am not getting any closer to anything at the rate that I am 'moving'. I am at a stand still with my weight loss. I am still experiencing pain with my neck and shoulders despite the therapy. There is so much family stuff going on it's ridiculous. Business is okay, but definitely not moving in a huge way. I feel like I am swirling in a drain. I feel like I am waffling. If I could make a decision on something and move headlong in that direction, I will get somewhere. Yet, I hold on to both sides of the fence and my ass is taking a beating. I was driving last night and thought, "This is how people become crazy." I wonder how much longer I will subject myself to such craziness.
I did get to my step class on Saturday. That was a refreshing experience. Something that I needed for my body and my mind. I have an incredible need to get things "right". It was perfect that I didn't get every move through the class and even looked silly at times. Some things came easy, others, not so. This is part of my growth. I have a huge fear of being "embarrassed". I needed to "survive" my mess-ups. LOL
I need to create a schedule to help move me through this period in my life. Something with each area of focus and allotted times to do the things that are important to me. When I learn that discipline will bring my desired freedom, I will no longer have so much waffling in my days.
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