It's been a while

The last few weeks have been a bit sad for me. I realize that I am not getting any closer to anything at the rate that I am 'moving'. I am at a stand still with my weight loss. I am still experiencing pain with my neck and shoulders despite the therapy. There is so much family stuff going on it's ridiculous. Business is okay, but definitely not moving in a huge way. I feel like I am swirling in a drain. I feel like I am waffling. If I could make a decision on something and move headlong in that direction, I will get somewhere. Yet, I hold on to both sides of the fence and my ass is taking a beating. I was driving last night and thought, "This is how people become crazy." I wonder how much longer I will subject myself to such craziness.

I did get to my step class on Saturday. That was a refreshing experience. Something that I needed for my body and my mind. I have an incredible need to get things "right". It was perfect that I didn't get every move through the class and even looked silly at times. Some things came easy, others, not so. This is part of my growth. I have a huge fear of being "embarrassed". I needed to "survive" my mess-ups. LOL

I need to create a schedule to help move me through this period in my life. Something with each area of focus and allotted times to do the things that are important to me. When I learn that discipline will bring my desired freedom, I will no longer have so much waffling in my days.

PASSION

I realized that my life is missing something...PASSION. I feel that I am missing something that gets me so juiced up that I am so excited to get my day going and only lay my head down out of pure exhaustion. I remember days where I was creating and working on art projects. I would spend my whole day alone, with little food/beverage and would work for hours in peace and fulfillment.

I want some "juice". I want some vigor. I want to jump out of bed in the morning to meet my passion again.

What were previous passions in my life?

• Creativity: calligraphy, bookmaking, papermaking
• Makeup artistry
• Sculpting my physique
• Health/Weight Loss
• My business

Looking at this short list, and knowing that there are more that I didn't include, I know that I still have love for each of these things. I think that I need to spend some time practicing each of these to see if I can reclaim the passion.

Do you know where my passion is? Do you know where I can find some? Share your thoughts with me.

WENG WENG RAP