297,500

Do you know what that number represents? NO! I wish that were my income for this first half of 2008. LOL That huge number represents the approximate number of excess calories that I have consumed in the last 3 years to gain 85 pounds. After doing some more numbers crunching, I have figured that I have consumed an average of 272 extra calories than my body needs in a day. That seems like a small number of calories alone, but compounded over 3 years, that has made a SIGNIFICANT difference in my life. Eight-five pounds of significance. 271 calories= 2 Tbs of peanut butter and a slice of bread, a bowl of cereal with milk.. That kind of extra intake of food (a light meal) has kept me an obese woman.

Doing this kind of numbers crunching has made me open my eyes to see that the small snacks/meals do add up to matter. I am going to start to journal my food intake to get an idea of my caloric intake as it stands and then work from there.

Drive 55 (pounds that is) to Stay Alive

Last night, it donned on me. My goal of 85 pounds lost seems to overwhelming. So much so that I can seem to get myself started. I know what the experts say, make smaller, achievable goals that will lead up to your ultimate goal to give yourself smaller, regular successes. Well, as you see that is not an approach that I can sink my teeth into. I've decided that losing 55 pounds would make me quite happy. I was looking at older photos and I must admit that I look "healthy" at 180. I definitely look quite fit at 155, but trying to get there from here seems too tough right now.

I am excited about 55 pounds lost and 180 as a goal weight. When I get closer, I can always re-assess and decided then what I'd like to do.

I have had a great week energy-wise. Not in the sense of lack of energy, but in the sense that I am feeling great. I am feeling more closely to my 'divine' self. I feel connected to so many people right now. It feels wonderful. I also feel that I am at a point that I am able to welcome a partner into my life again. I feel that I can offer a lot more than I have felt in the recent past. My mojo is coming back.

Funny enough, this morning on the bus, there was a guy that I've seen a few times on the bus that decided to talk to me this morning. Did I just become visible again? I have told my friends many times in the past that we are able to control our energy and have people enter or retract from our personal circle. I proved that to myself this morning. As a matter of fact, I've had a lot of nice conversations with men these last few days since starting to feel better. Interesting.

So, back to my re-vamped goal. I am going to create a simple plan of action. Ha ha! That's me...simple plans...YEAH RIGHT! However, I do have some ideas of what I want to do to keep myself focused, on track and getting the weight off as fast as safely possible.

Just Felt Like It

Yesterday, I decided to journal my food before and during the time that I was eating it. What a HUGE difference that made. I actually journaled my Wednesday menu on Thursday morning before I journaled my food for Thursday. I consumed 43 points and earned 8. 43 points is the equivalent to about 2150 calories. My recommended intake is 29 points!!! WOW! That's a big difference.

On Thursday, I wrote down all that I had planned to eat and what I planned to do for activity. Being aware made all the difference. I ended up with eating at my target. I actually modified my behavior!!

I am also doing some updating through Twitter and I feel that is making a difference as well.

I think what I realized is that if I make the process an OPEN and HONEST one, I will be less apt to doing the activities that have brought me to 235 pounds once again in my life. I know that my physical ability is greater than most 235-pound women, but my emotional eating skills are helping me to maintain this weight. Knowing that I have to share this information with the world, I hope to change this behaviors of secrecy and shame.

Off to shower and begin journaling day #2!

Behavior Modification

I wanted to share this response that I made on Tracy Reifkind's blog post called "Butterfinger Thighs" In her post, Tracy talks about her compulsive behavior around food. I felt that she finally put into words what I've felt for a long time. I decided to share my response in my blog.

Tracy,

I tried to make this point at a recent WW meeting. The ladies just didn't get it the way that I was explaining. We talked about "red, yellow and green-light" foods. Foods that are risky (prone to overeat), proceed with caution (may or may not overeat), and safe foods (not apt for overeating). I was saying that for me, the food didn't so much matter, but the BEHAVIOR around the food did. I said that brownies are my weakness, but if I ate a single serving of brownie with great satisfaction, that for me was not a 'red light' situation. On the other hand, if I ate half a watermelon with the intention of "stuffing" myself, the food in itself is healthy, but the behavior is not.
It's a moment by moment check-in for me. I know that as I am more aware of it, the better it will be in the future.

I hope to come to that place of releasing food for emotional needs and reclaim it for it's nutritional, nourishing purpose.

The jeans fit!

I put on a pair of jeans this morning that I've had to squeeze into for the last 5 months and they fit properly!! I am so excited. The lunchtime workouts are paying off. I know that the scale has barely budged, but this is exciting. So far, I've worn 4 different pairs of pants that has some varying degree of fit and they are ALL fitting better. One pair in particularly feel too big to be wearing! That hasn't been a problem in a LOOOONG time!! Yeah!!!

I am reading the Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. His philosophy is the small things done consistently over time get us where we want to go (intentionally or not). He says that the error most people make is that when we don't see immediate results, we quit. He also says that we make a serious judgement error in NOT doing the small things as the small things seem insignificant.

I was comparing the Slight Edge philosophy with previous positive results that I've had. The easiest life experience that I've had with "small, consistent effort" is from my previous weight loss experience. I know that it was the small, almost insignificant daily choices that brought me to the victory of losing 85 pounds. You don't gain 85+ pounds overnight and we surely know that it wasn't because I ate 1 piece of cake or 3 slices of pizza that packed on that weight. It was the small, seemingly insignificant choices that made that major change in my body! I know that doing the opposite of what got me to be an obese woman will bring me the opposite effect/result.

Inspiration

I don't watch a lot of TV. I actually don't have any programming that comes in to my home. So, if there is a program that I want to watch, I go to my mom's house. Anyway, there is only one show that I watch religiously: Dancing with the Stars. The other show that I enjoy is Biggest Loser.

I am so happy that I was able to catch the finale for this season's challengers. What an amazing and inspirational story. Ali Vincent became the first female Biggest Loser competitor to win the US version. There was a woman in the UK that won a few season's back. I am in awe of her spirit and determination. Yeah, Ali!!



I decided that I am going to be posting more and more videos for my personal inspiration here. I know that when I see women who have done this amazing work with their bodies through good, old-fashioned hard work it makes me excited and gets me inspired.

I cannot wait to add my own video to the mix!

BACK AT IT

The last time that I made an entry, I had a whole lot of STUFF going on. Luckily, most, if not all, of that STUFF is gone. (Is that why they say, "don't sweat the small stuff"?) I am so glad that this is the case.

Anyway, I am happy to report that I am doing the WW-At Work program and experiencing success more now than I have in a long time. That feels great and keeps me on track.

Today, I kicked it up with Turbo Jam Fat Blaster. I love this quick, intense kickboxing workout.

I just wanted to mark my spot for when I got back on track and to let you all know that I am STILL working it. I hope that when you check back in 2 months from now, I'll have made my 10% goal!

Knocked off...

Ha! I started my exercise program 3 days after my last post. I was doing the Power 90 program as I expected. Everything was going as planned. Then a wrench came and knocked me off of my plan. I am now just recovered enough to get back on track. It is amazing how no matter how well you may plan, obstacles still happen. So, I ask, what are you going to do about it?

Success with any change needs to involve success in spite of obstacles. So many people fall victim to an obstacle (illness, schedule change, or brownie sundae) and call it quits. Life is full of the obstacles. When you conquer each one, that is when the victory is so sweet.

I remember when I was actively maintaining a weight loss program. I found that obstacles were presented every day. The wonderful thing was that they became easier to deal with the more that I was able to succeed with the previous one. I know that you might be thinking that it would be the opposite, but it truly wasn't. The more that I said, "No, thanks" the easier it was to say it again. I didn't have the excuse "oh, I've been good...I deserve it." I thought, "I've been good, why ruin that now?!" I truly worked for me.

I am reading Judith Beck's The Beck Diet Solution. It is about taking the seeminly "unconscious" and making it a conscious decision. It starts off with a quiz for how you react to food and emotions. It really opened my eyes to see how much I rationalize in my life. My little rationalizations have kept me where I am physically, financially and mentally. I know that if I make the choice to work through this unresourceful habit, I will succeed in EVERY aspect of my life. Wow! That's big!!