Munchies

I had the munchies today. I had three mini Twix, a Reese cup, a mini Whopper pack, some lemon heads and a mini Crunch. I probably would have done better if I had a full-size candy bar. At least then I realize how much I am eating. Anyway, it is done and I am no longer munching.

I started TOM today. I am hoping that is why I have been hot the last few days and not getting the best of sleep. I was so hungry when I got home from work, but nothing seemed appealing. So, I had some pineapple, 2 pieces of toast, some fresh, marinated mozzarella and some kettle chips. Random, I know. I didn't know if I wanted, sweet/salty, creamy or crunchy...so I had it all. The best part is that I do not feel bad about it. I am tired of feeling poorly about anything that I am enjoying. This is something that I want to continue to work on.

Tomorrow is Halloween and I am going to wear my Texas Hold-em costume. My only fear is that it may be too risque for my office. LOL We are such a square bunch of people.

R and I talked after work today. I am looking forward to getting together this weekend. I don't have the festival to work after all, so that frees up some time for other things. I was really looking forward to the extra cash though.

I talked to my friend, Carol, who is a jewelry designer/maker. I have helped her in the past at festivals. We talked tonight and she shared with me that she wants to leave her job to pursue her business full-time. We got to talking and it was great. The best part is that at the end of the conversation, she said, "Every time we talk, I get so energized." What a beautiful compliment.

Tonight, we had a 5.6 earthquake. Fortunately, no damage occurred at home. I happened to be at my mom's place so that made me feel better. I am now starting to think that October is earthquake month. The big one here in SF Bay Area also occurred in October 1989. I still remember it vividly. Some wonderful art came from my experience that still makes me smile today. I wonder where it is now. Oh well!

Ciao!

Halloween Week

I love Halloween. It is my favorite holiday of the year. I had a couple of parties on Saturday night and had a lot of fun. I did well with the alcohol having just 2 drinks, but had 2 egg rolls and a Kit Kat. The egg rolls were delicious. One would have been sufficient.

I will have to post a photo of my "Texas Hold'Em" costume. My friends and I play "hold'em" regularly, so I knew that it was more of an inside joke. The funny thing was that it was a winner. It also cost me just $5 to create.

I love making my costumes. Past hits were Dorothy, a girl scout and Miss Treated. Simple, fun and memorable.

Yesterday, R and I spent most of the day together. We has a great time. He cooked dinner for us at my place: bruschetta, pizza and hot wings. It was as if we were watching a football game, yet I don't have cable/satellite. Everything was delicious and I did pretty well with portions. I did have a couple glasses of wine with my meal. I weighed this morning and my weight is stable. I am learning to enjoy the food and slim the portions.

This morning, F IM'd me to find out how things were with his brother. I told him that all was great. R told me that F was a bit jealous of the situation. I laughed. He gave his blessing! Anyway, I hope to be able to spend some time with R. We laughed so much that my stomach hurt.

Prego!

Some Sleep

Last night, I was able to sleep for about 4 hours. This is the first chunk of sleep that I've had in three days. I am sitting at my desk feeling a fit tired.

R and I had our first date last night. We went to a delicious Mexican restaurant in the Mission of San Francisco. We met about 5:30 and I headed home about 11. He packed a little bag of Benadryl, Airborne, a scarf and a hat for me. It was really sweet. He is quite affectionate which I enjoy, but I am not ready for it. I really want to develop a friendship before proceeding with anything. I owe it to myself to take things slowly.

I weighed in this morning with a one pound loss. That was a surprise because I figured that the sodium from the food would have set me up. I am happy to see that it did not.

Today, I have an interview with Lane Bryant. I am looking to make some extra cash over the holiday season and help me get ahead on some bills. I also am looking to buy a car so this will make a difference as well.

I have contemplated going without a car. It would really turn my life upside down, but I gave up cable over a year ago and haven't missed it much. I am sure that I would get used to it after the initial pain. The money savings would be huge (no car not, insurance, maintenance or gas). I wonder what the time expense would be. I probably would become more efficient with my errands as I would plan my days out better.

Something to think about.

Another Sleep-Lacking Night

I went to bed last night about 9:30 because I was up the previous night with a cough. I was so happy to be tired and thought that it would be enough to keep me asleep for the evening. I snuggle up in my bed with my book "Eat Pray Love" and begin to doze after a few pages. Well, at 11:11 PM, I wake up. Man! 90 Minutes of sleep!! Damn!! I even was hoping that my cardio session would have whipped my butt and made me even more tired. No such luck. So, I get up and start hacking. It's not one of those productive coughs. NO, it's the dry, "I've-got- a- popcorn hull-stuck- in- the- side- of- my- throat" coughs. These suck!!

I am such an internet junkie that I choose WebMD to solve my problem. I enter "chronic dry cough" and it pulls up some great information. I immediately put it in action. I prop my pillows and lay on my back. I don't normally sleep in the position. (Oh yeah, prior to reading about my dry cough I watch a video clip on sleep positions and personality. It was quite interesting...I digress.) So, I lie down and realize that my cough is under control. But, I can't sleep this way. I turn on my side and the coughing comes back with a vengeance. I get back on my back and stay there. I was able to get to sleep about an hour later only to be up again. I somehow manage to eek out two hours of sleep.

This would not be such a big deal except that I haven't slept in the last couple days, have a date tonight and lack of sleep always shows on my face and my attitude changes with lack of sleep. I am considering a reschedule of the date so that I can be better company. We'll see how the day plays out.

This afternoon, I have my second appointment with the chiropractor. I actually have had pretty good results from the first adjustment and the neck pain has seriously decreased. It shows up more when there is a stressful catalyst. Now that I am aware of this, I immediately change my stressor if at all possible.

So, as I mentioned earlier, I went to the gym last night. It is always tough getting in there and doing more than just cardio with so many people battling for the equipment. I really wasn't sure what I wanted to work on before I got there and it resulted in a interval cardio session and a short bike ride. One great thing that came out of the trip to the gym was that I met my step teacher's sister who is quite overweight. I mentioned to her that I attend WW and she was interested in attending. I told her that I would love to give her a friendly reminder and have her join me. She seemed excited. We'll see what actually happens. I got her number and will call her Friday night for a Saturday morning weigh-in.

I weighed this morning and the scale is down from yesterday. I am looking forward to a nice loss this week from increased activity and the addition of extra vegetables through salads for meals.

I have a date tonight and we are going to have Mexican in the city. I am craving some enchiladas. I haven't had any in a very long time. My plan is to have a few chips, enjoy my enchiladas and skip the margarita. (Oh how I love margaritas!) I am having salad for lunch.

This date is with brother #2 (R). I still feel awkward meeting with him, but I think that it is better that we get together, check out the situation and let it go from there. Mamma mia!

I didn't realize that I had so much to say. LOL

The Slight Edge

Have you been blinded by the "Quantum Leap"? The "Overnight Success"? The "Breakthrough"? I have and I believe it's because I am a dreamer. I can dream with the best of them. If my fantasies were to come true, wow, I'd be won amazing human being. LOL

I was listening to a CD that my friend gave to me. She knows how much I enjoy personal development products. She also knows how much I talk about the quantum leap yet end up many times in a quantum heap of unfulfilled goals. I have listened to the CD twice on the way to work. It actually is quite different from most things that I have come across in changing your life through achieving new goals and behaviours.

The basis of the Slight Edge by Jeff Olson is that we are where we are by the small consistent decisions that we make over time. Not a single decision, but compounded decisions to do or not do brings us to wherever we are in life. I believe this for the most part because when I lost 85 pounds, it was be consistent and persistent about my exercise, food choices and learned behaviors that brought my success. My success did not come from just attending one Weight Watchers meeting or going to the gym once or choosing to eat a salad instead of a bag of chips once. It was my daily decision to do the "slight edge" activity that brought me to a size 10.

When I gained the weight back, it was because of the slight edge activities that found 70 of the 85 that I had lost. Staying in bed instead of going to the gym. Eating more than I needed one too many times. Choosing food over emotional techniques to get through the trauma, drama or boredom.

Now, I sit here on the edge of a choice. To add daily exercise back into my routine or to continue to work my plan without it. I know that it will make a huge impact on my weight loss and it will also make a huge impact in my emotions. Here's why: I have more opportunities to fail each day that I DON'T workout. I like that I don't feel this sense of failure in my life. I also have never been good at exercising 4 times a week and being happy with it. It becomes an all-or-nothing situation. Rationally, I know that it doesn't have to be this way. Experience-wise, I know it has been this way. I guess it's another "slight edge" opportunity for me. To learn to be happy with 4-5 days of workouts and choose the two days that I will be off from exercise at the BEGINNING of the week.

Boy Matters:
Text today: "I miss you! Have a good day!"
My response: "What do you miss?"
His response: "Your beautiful smile. I'd like to see you."
No response from me to this one.

Sometimes, I Like to Make Messes

This weekend, takes a big piece of the cake. Let me start by saying that I know that I was being a bit selfish by inviting the guy that I've been on 2 dates with to have his brother join my friend and I for a drink after dinner. I wanted to have some fun and do what I am good at: bring great people together.

Well, after dinner, I text F to see if he is still interested in meeting my friend and I. He calls right back and says that he has something that he has to take care of but will stop by with his brother for a few minutes. About 5 minutes later, F and his brother, R, show up. My friend is paying for the meal and I go out to meet the guys. I greet F and he introduces me to his brother. Thirty seconds later, my friend, C, comes to join us. After all greetings and such, F shares that he is going to be gone for a little and will rejoin us after he is done with his task.

So, R, C and I walk to a lounge for a drink. We order and sit in a little corner for some fun conversation. It was great. R is full of energy and funny antics. C and I are having fun laughing and talking. We have a few drinks and decide to walk C back to her apartment as I could tell that she was tired.

We walk her back to her place, use the restroom and head out. I have my car so I drive R home. He decides that he wants to continue the fun with some champagne and chocolate. I decide that this is not a good idea and tell him so. Long story short. I drop him off and head home. Mind you, F never did come back and I talked to him as I was dropping his brother off. He apologized saying that he was still working the deal.

I head home tired and make it safely. I said a little prayer of gratitude because I was that tired. I am home about 5 minutes when the phone rings. It's R checking to see that I made it home. He also apologizes for his brother's behavior for not returning to meet us. Then, he shares with me how much he enjoyed spending the time with me. My head is spinning. OMG! We talk for a few minutes and I head to bed.

The next day, R calls me three times. I asked him if he told his brother that he is calling me. He says, yes. I still don't say much.

On Monday, they both call. F is trying to feel out the situation. I knew that when F and I hung out, we would only see each other a few times casually. I shared this with him. F gave me the blessing to date his brother because he said that he hasn't seen his brother so happy and he wants the best for him. I almost died. I told him that we should have dinner as planned on Saturday and leave it at that.

What is a girl to do?! LOL

Birthday Week!

This week I turned 30! Yes, this is a major life event and I am loving it. Tonight will be my final birthday celebration with friends. The festivities started last Friday with my actual birthday being on Tuesday (October 16th). What a wonderful week! I don't usually fuss about birthdays, but I really am happy about joining the "Dirty Thirty" club (Thanks Melissa!).

So, as a treat to myself, I purchased a guitar two weeks ago and will be starting lessons today. I spoke with my guitar teacher and he seemed excited that I am interested in learning his specialty. I am eager to do this for myself. Something that I can master in my own time, with my own abilities. I currently have little music knowledge except that I took voice lessons when I was 13 or 14.

My weight loss is going very well. I am really focusing on my hunger level instead of my visual level. I have been so used to eating a certain amount that I neglected to listen to my body. I realized that I can choose to eat so much less by just listening to my hunger/satisfaction level. I haven't changed any of the foods that I am eating, just the quantity. This is huge for me. I also have noticed that I want "lighter" foods: fruit, veggies, etc. I have never been a huge meat eater, but I eat 2-3 oz at some point in the day. I am okay with this.

I wasn't planning to head to the gym this morning as I have a full plate, but I think that I am going. I should call my sister and see if she is planning to go. Her gym doesn't open until 8 on the weekends. My gym is 24 hours which I love.

Life's Little Roller Coaster

The last few days have been a living roller coaster. I broke up with my boyfriend. I welcomed my newest niece into this world. I applied for a new job. And to top it off, I won 2 tickets to see George Lopez on the radio this morning.

It's amazing how much can happen in 72 hours. I am grateful that I have been able to positive for the most part. I am so happy and excited for my niece. She is so loved by so many people.

It was very hard the first day that I was split from Matt. I love him and know that this is best for us. He is such an incredible person. I wish that it could work out. I know that he loves me too. It's just not the right time for us.

Winning George Lopez tickets was such a blessing. My mom is such a huge fan. I knew that when I was calling, the tickets were mine. I almost went into a trance. When I learned that I won, I got teary-eyed thinking of the happiness that my mom would have.

I wish that I knew how to tap into that trance more often. It was a wonderful place of calm. I was so assured of the outcome, it was amazing. I just need to be assured that life is always going to turn out as it should: beautiful.